Yes, It’s Summer: Now Quit Staring At My Ass

Feature photo by tofz4u

Every year I get excited to wear summer clothes again. Flower print dresses, bright colors, big hats! Granted, compared to other people my summer wardrobe isn’t that adventurous. I hate my toes and so I haven’t invested in those gladiator style sandals I still see everyone wearing. And tube tops? Short shorts? No.

The summer version of me pretty much just consists of wearing less black and putting away my winter coat. But as soon as I step outside in warm weather, oh how I miss my coat and it’s butt hiding powers. Right away I start hearing things like: “Hey mami! You got a real nice ass!”

Things that make a girl wish she could fart pepper spray.

And don’t try to tell me it’s a compliment. It’s harassment.

I will never understand why some dudes feel the need to be obnoxious. A cultural studies professor once told me he thought it was a way for men to try to affirm their heterosexuality in public. That must be it because I seriously doubt making embarrassing comments about stranger’s body parts gets the ladies.

But I don’t always have time to give mini lectures on the perils of homophobia and insecure masculinity. I have somewhere to be and frankly, I hate it when I’m interrupted in the middle of pretending I’m in my own chick flick girl power montage. Wearing new clothes–or even just clothes that have been crammed in the back of my closet for so many months that they feel new—always puts me in that mood to act like my walk to the train is a scene in a movie about a badass chica making it in the city.

So if you’re a dude and you find you can’t help staring at all the pretty girls going by in their summer clothes, don’t be a jerk. And if you have to say something, say something motivational so you fit in with the “Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves” montages playing in our heads. Like “Hey girl, I don’t know you, but I hope you succeed in your endeavors!”