Feature photo by swanksalot
For about as long as I can remember, I’ve been scrutinized. “For what?” you ask. Here is an admission I rarely tell anyone: My name is Raul Trevino, and I don’t speak Spanish. I’m not the only one though. Throughout my life I have met a handful of people like me with the same issue, ironically at the same time that millions of Mexicans in America struggle with learning English as a second language. The frustration of not being able to properly order an elote still haunts me. I’d stand in front of the cart trying to get myself some corn, but I had no luck completing that simple task. The vendor would just look at me like I was insane. تعليم لعبة البوكر So, I had to rely on friends from that point on to assist me in my elote or paleta endeavors. Now throughout my life I require a friend nearby to act as a translator.
Even in certain areas of the city, it is not beneficial to not speak Spanish. I once worked at the Walgreen’s in Little Village, and believe me that experience was unpleasant. Customers would constantly ask questions in Spanish, leaving me bewildered. Of course, because of the neighborhood, that is completely understandable. Many people resented me for coming into their neighborhood and not being able to speak Spanish. Without a doubt, at that job I felt like more of an outcast than ever. It was like being in a black hole, and I don’t mean the arcade next door. Sometimes you feel like an alien when you are the only monolingual person in a predominantly Mexican neighborhood. In the end, this was probably the cause for my later social anxiety problems. I still don’t understand why it is such a big deal. Many people who are Chinese, Indian, Polish, or any other ethnicity are not automatically expected to speak their language.
In the eyes of many, I’m looked at as a disgrace. More traditional Mexicans take this as me not embracing my roots. On the contrary, I have never been ashamed of my Mexican heritage. Every opportunity I get I always inject my culture into what I do. Still the fact remains that many Latinos regard people like me as “white-washed.” Many of us Chicanos have been made to feel ashamed for not being able to speak the language. Often I feel uncomfortable and excluded when I don’t understand the conversation and laughter around me. This problem actually goes deeper. It seems for years there has been social segregation between Chicanos and Mexican immigrants. In the streets or even in the schools the animosity is felt between the two. العب بلاك جاك When all is said and done, we are all just Mexicans in America.
One question still remains: Why don’t I speak Spanish? لعبة سباق الخيل Actually the answer is the same many others give. My parents never taught me and never spoke Spanish at home. My grandfather was adamant about not having his kids speak Spanish in public. It was a different time, a time when Mexicans had to conceal their identities. If someone were clearly viewed as a Latino, that person would be treated differently. Even after all the accomplishments from such beloved Mexican musicians as Ritchie Valens and Carlos Santana, America still had a distaste for our kind. Now I find it difficult to learn Spanish. I’ve taken classes but don’t seem to retain enough of the info to be completely fluent. The major irony in it all is that most Americans need to know Spanish now. How great is that. Every main menu over the phone offers English and Spanish options. Most Americans inadvertently learn Spanish to deal with their everyday lives. As much as the right-wing conservatives loathe us, we are a major part of American culture. For many Mexican Americans, not speaking Spanish doesn’t mean we are of ashamed of our culture. It’s the direct result of an awful legacy of generations of American racism, one that my grandparents and many others were victims of.
Raul,
Here’s some advice on learning Spanish. Watch Spanish TV and listen to Spanish radio. This is how I learned English (English language tv) when I first came to this country. Don’t victimize yourself by blaming American racism. I’ve seen the most industrial people in my Mexican brothers and sisters achieve far greater feats than learning English, all under the same duress of racism. Say to your self, racism is too weak to affect me’ This is what I was taught by my dad. Racism is the common denominator in human behavior; if we let it control us we would not achieve anything.
BTW. right-wing conservative here – I don’t loath anyone especially Mexicans, matter of fact I love Mexicans so much, I married one 🙂
Wonderful advise Oscar!
Raul, Trust me I completely understand. While I can speak Spanish, reading and writing can be painful. I’m often embarrassed and just completely skip over it. This is the world we live in, but it’s up to us to change that.
Our children should speak as many languages as possible to better understand the world around them.
Thanks for sharing your story, I know many of our wonderful readers can relate and I encourage everyone to comment.
-Abraham
Good article, Raul. I have a confession, too. My name is Reyna and I don’t speak Spanish.
I take issue, though, with the idea that those of us who do not speak Spanish do not speak it out of shame. I think Latinos tend to equate not speaking Spanish with shame more than other groups. It’s really just how things happen. It’s called assimilation. People come here, speak English, and in a generation or two, all you speak is English. It’s not a bad thing, per se.
I spoke English growing up because my mother wanted me to have good English skills. She speaks several languages, and her inner linguist decided I would have the best possible grasp of English if I spoke it and read it exclusively. I am inclined to believe her now as an adult—and as a writer. It was never about shame or trying to hide being Mexican for us. It was about speaking, reading and writing masterfully in English. When trying to study other languages later, I found it difficult. Most people do when you learn later in life.
In any case, don’t be ashamed! It’s okay. Let’s start a club…
this is a great article, raul and you bring up many good points. i speak spanish fluently but it has not made my life easier or brought me any closer to my culture. i had to learn spanish as my mother and grandmother are not english speakers. my father always instilled in me the need to not only speak english, but to speak it properly. my mother on the other hand seems to have been able to get by. the language immersion didn’t stop at home. when i would go to stores with my mother, you know she had questions to ask of the staff. as all mexican mothers and women, she was full of questions that needed to be answered at that moment so from a very early age, i acted as a translator between the confused salesperson and the even more confused mexican woman inquiring on some sort of item. unfortunately, when mexican immigrants see me, they often don’t think i do speak spanish (the ‘white wash’ you refer too) and it is a very awkward experience to have someone talk about you to your face and then having to tell them that you understood every word they said.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming racism for my problem, I just wanted to give a background on the history of why this trend came to be. I also should of been more clear on with the right wing conservatives. Perhaps that was a poor blanket statement. Should of pointed the finger to the ones that clearly have an issue with the Latino community such as the minute men and supporters of sb1070.
Its nice to know I’m not the only one. I’m not ashamed anymore, but there are still many people in my life who feel I should be ashamed. I just try to be proud to be myself.
Thank you Raul for bravely sharing your story. I think it’s a difficult one to admit in a city such as Chicago where there’s a large community of recent immigrants who may not understand the circumstances that lead to an experience such as yours and countless others.
I find it incredibly sad and detrimental when parents don’t instill the value of multilingualism in their children. I think it’s important to know more than one language in order to connect to more cultures, especially in an ever increasing global society. Learning a new language as an adult is extremely hard (but not impossible), so I think it’s important to instill this value in children, especially since children have the ability to easily learn multiple languages.
I also think that it’s important for us to break the pattern of monolingualism because this society encourages monolingualism out of fear of the “other.” Cowards such as English-only extremists use monolingualism to advocate monoculturalism. I think that teaching our kids to learn multiple languages will help them understand multiple cultures as well.
My Spanish skills are pretty terrible. I grew up learning and hearing it from my grandma, but my parents never really spoke it in the home. I have to say, as useful as Spanish is, I fell in love with the English language at a very young age. Now, I am a writer and there is nothing I love more than reading books in my own native language – English.