Feature photo by wtlphotos
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Love is flowing, fireplaces are roaring and cash registers are ringing. That annual winter solstice mating dance of gift giving and gift receiving is in full swing- the pressure is most certainly on. Before you completely loose your mind to mall madness, let your favorite Lifestyle section gurus guide you through their wish lists. The Indumentarian, Jane Sez and Gozamos’ favorite single girl Elvin have submitted, for your approval and potential purchasing, their must haves for this holiday season.
Of course, the Indumentarian always accepts cash donations.
Jane Sez Wants. . .
- The Encyclopedia of Erotic Literature A compendium of sexy erotica from all around the world- it’s the only thing missing from my considerable library.
- Weird Chicago Private Tour I just want to hear the weird stories of prostitution, licentiousness, and scandal so I can think dirty thoughts every time I walk past a seemingly innocent building.
- A Trip to the Paris Erotic Museum I want a trip to the Paris Erotic Museum because: 1) it looks amazing. 2) I want to have sex in Paris. And 3) I am hoping the directors fall in love with me and I get to work there.
- Chicago Dildo Pyrex dildos named after cities. They’re like sexual skyscrapers. Sweet home Chicago!
Elvin Wants. . .
- A silk BCBG pashmina. How can I resist this chic pashmina in my favorite color? Pashmina’s are my go-to accessory to keep warm or to add a little oomph to a basic outfit.
- Echo touch gloves Not only are these gloves stylish, they are also functional. The index and thumb fingers are textured so you can use your touch screen phone. GENIUS!
- A Brahmin cross body purse Sometimes a single gal doesn’t want to lug a big purse on a date. And the last thing I want to do with a drink in hand is to hold a clutch in the other. This Brahmin bag is versatile and stylin’ for any occasion.
- Tocca fragrance This set of Tocca’s flirty and sensual scents will please any nose!
- French Connection sparkly top This shirt will be the sparkle at any party!
- David Yurman drop earrings Okay boys, get in line to buy me these for Christmas!
The Indumentarian Wants. . .
Surprisingly, my winter solstice wish list doesn’t consist of clothes. I need to give some away rather than get more so I’d implore all you bastards to donate what you can to any Goodwill Drop Off Box and let’s make sure to take care of those without. Alright, enough of the charity, I don’t want people to think I actually care or something:
- Daria: The Complete Series: As if this required any sort of explanation. My Saharan wit and repulsion at the prospect of popular cultural affairs all stems from an MTV cult classic from the 90s. Daria taught me everything I know in the reflective file. I would also accept Absolutely Fabulous, which also taught me all I know in the substance abuse file.
- An Invitation to the Wedding of the Decade: This too shall not come to a surprise to anyone. Being the anglophile that I am, naturally upon hearing of the engagement between Prince William “Cueball” of Wales and Kate Middle-of-the-road-ton, I was already planning the breakfast (of beer) to be served in the languorous wake of that fateful morning in the spring. It is a bit eerie that the wedding should be held something like thirty years after his parents’ wedding but the House of Windsor always reminded me a bit of Eastenders, granted they probably all have their own washing machine.
- A new fucking computer mouse: My mouse is fucking up something fierce(ly annoying). I cannot deal.
- Richard Armitage: You have got to be kidding me? This requires no explanation besides the fact that mofo is fine as hell. I would also accept Rob Corddry, Jon Hamm, Michael Showalter or Louis Garrel. However, any man will do.
- Legalize It: Dude… And I’m not talking marriage. I don’t need something else these handsome gay guys can brag about. Marriage for uglies and weed. It’s not like straight people care about anything, anyway.