By Diana Ivonne Palma
The infamous Sorority Letter has caused a craze amongst all the Regina Georges of the world. The following letter depicts a real-life fashion crisis.
If you’ve just opened this, you had better hope you’re not wearing an outfit that screams “I blend in with the forest.” I’M TALKING ABOUT CAMO, PEOPLE. CAMO.
If you look down at your outfit this freaking instant and what you see staring back at you is a grody little camo ensemble, take it the fuck off.
I’m happy to be the bearer of bad news when I say—no, scream—CAMO IS DEAD. If you’re still wearing camo, I expect you to do what camo’s supposed to help you do, and disappear…from the face of the earth. Blend in with the trees. Live in a jungle. Do whatever you have to do. Just don’t be seen in public.
If you’re sitting there dazed and confused and saying, “but camo looks soo cute, and everyone still wears it,” then here’s a newsflash for you: NO… JUST NO.
In case you live Antarctica or Indiana: spring is here. It’s been here. It’s knocking on your door shouting,“Bitches, stop with the fall trends!” Sure, camo was one of the hottest trends at the end of last year, but, girl, like your trainwreck relationship, you need to let that go.
Instead of walking around looking like the chameleon from Monsters, Inc., stand out. Not only are the obvious florals, spring whites and pastels something you need to jump on if you haven’t already, but there are literally a million-and-one other fashion trends that I could help you out with, IF you want to look like you’re part of civilization and not like a complete savage.
The ‘90s are definitely in. And I’m not talking about the tacky, obnoxious outfits either—don’t you fucking dare. Subtle things: crop tops, boyfriend jeans. Think “Chili in her TLC days” and knock it down a few levels.
You want to wear print? WEAR IT THE HELL UP. Floral print bombers are huge this season, too. It’s about being bold. If you’re more on the timid side and like to stick to the basics, fine. But you don’t have to LOOK basic. Throw on a maxi dress, maxi skirt, pull an Angelina with a thigh high slit (or a smaller boring slit, whatever). High waist anything: jeans, shorts, skirts, look awesome paired with crop tops and bodysuits. Stripes are also a subtle yet fun way to play up a simple outfit.
My point is, WHY are you people not burning all your camo fits yet?!
If you’re still sitting saying, “I like those trends, but, geez louise, I simply just looove to wear my camo!” then re-fucking read this letter from the top. Camo, over. Like your social life, if you plan on still rocking forestwear.
In the words of the great Young Jeezy, ”RIP, RIP,” kill your camo.