Feature photo by luisar

Sometimes we can’t find the right way to say exactly how much we love someone. Rather than risk sounding vulgar by saying what we may really mean (that is, “I wish I was your boxer briefs” or “Motor boating you makes me believe in God”) we may turn to the musical talent of our day to make us sound better.

The trouble is, much of the music on the radio right now is saying EXACTLY what we are thinking. It is unlikely that Enrique Iglesias’ “Tonight” or Usher’s “Love in this Club” will pass the “Say Anything” Lloyd Dobbler boom box scene test of romantic expression. What I mean to say is that if you can’t imagine yourself as John Cusack in that iconic scene playing your song of choice and feeling EPIC, then it’s probably not the right song to express what you want to say.

Of course, you can always go with the song he used in the movie, Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes,” and I’ll give you bonus points for acting out the actual scene: trench coat and boom box included (no iPod docks or laptops allowed!).

If you want to go with something that weighs less than a boom box and doesn’t sound like Justin Bieber or Journey, try poetry. Turning to some of the greatest literary minds in history to help you express how you feel is a great way of making sure you don’t sound like an idiot. The following are a few good places to start:

To Express SERIOUS Love Try: Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

To Speed Things Along Try: To His Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell

To Induce Breathtaking Moments Try: She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron

To Recite (from Memory) while your Lover is Undressing Try: Clothes Do But Cheat and Cozen Us by Robert Herrick

To Show Appreciation Try: I Remembered by Sara Teasdale

To Highlight Love in the Moment (Bonus Points if you’re Using Flavored Lotions or Honey in Bed) Try: Love Song by William Carlos Williams

To Say ‘You Make my Life Suck Less’ Try: Sonnet XXIX by William Shakespeare

To Enhance your Seduction Technique Try: Like This by Jalaluddin Rumi

Well, there you go. Now you have a mini list of sexy ass poems to memorize or quote from at you seductive leisure. Just make sure that if you DO use poetry to woo, you credit the poet. You’ll sound really smart for knowing the work and its author and you’ll avoid looking like a liar trying to pass off the work of others as your own.

Since poetry is on the traditional side of romance and sexuality (like roses and chocolates), you can feel free to spice up your recitation. Try having your partner read from a book of erotic poetry while you give them oral sex and see how long it takes for them to become illiterate. In the offhand chance that reading all these poetry giants dislodged your writer’s block, bravo! Sure, you could write it in a love letter on pretty stationary if you want a sense of permanence. That’s all romantic and junk, but I bet it’d be more fun to write it on your lover’s body and slowly lick that off.

And one last tip, my lovelies: only spell sexy things out on your body with Scrabble tiles if you can stay still long enough for your beloved to see your handiwork.

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