The First Time’s Not Always the Charm

It sounds like a decent enough premise: take all those wacky, teenage sex comedies (see ‘Porky’s’, ‘Superbad’, etc.) and give them a low-budget make-over with a realistic twist for the YouTube generation. In theory it sounds great, but in practice ‘The Virginity Hit’, for all its potential, never really takes off.

Nerdy Matt (Matt Bennett) is ready to lose his virginity to his long-time high school girlfriend Nicole (played by cute-as-a-button Nicole Weaver). His group of friends decides to film the milestone and the adventures leading up to it. Naturally, things don’t go exactly as planned and loads of teenage high-jinks (re: underage drinking, frat parties, and bong hits) ensue.

The first mistake is probably the casting. These guys aren’t as charming or as funny as the marketing department wants them to be. They can’t carry a whole movie and the most interesting characters (a friend’s sister played by Krysta Rodriguez and porn star Sunny “No Tan Lines” Leone) are too peripheral to make any real impact. The whole concept would work if the main characters were half as clever or funny as they think they are. Even Matt’s main friend Zack (Zack Pearlman), who is supposed to be the epicenter of the comedy relief, comes off as a low-rent Jonah Hill.

Worse than just unfunny, ‘The Virginity Hit’ slips into mean-spirited moments. Early in the film, there’s a particularly cruel scene that banished any of the little good will I had built up for the main characters. Matt’s high school girlfriend, Nicole, is rumored to have cheated on him at a frat party. He is, understandably, devastated. Instead of confronting her for closure (or at least a little fact checking), he’s goaded into continuing on his let’s-lose-our-virginity date with her. Additionally, his friends and their friends rent the hotel room next to Matt and Nicole and outfit the room with hidden cameras and microphones. While they laugh and all take turns calling her a “whore” and a “slut”, they inform us that the plan is to video tape the poor girl’s awkward first-time sex and then all burst into the room to let her know that she’s been had. It’s a nasty plan that (thankfully) goes awry. When Nicole appears later in the film, you wonder why she even can stand to be in the same room with these assholes much less speak to them.

While we’re on the subject of the young ladies of the film, another ridiculous scene must be addressed. Several of the high school girls that are friends with the main characters offer to help raise money so that virginal Matt can lose his V-card to a porn star (never mind raising their own money for silly things like college). The gorgeous group of girls do this by running a bikini car wash where they push their soapy breasts against car windows. Sure, it would be believable if this were ‘American Pie’ or another glossy Hollywood teen romp, but the whole point of ‘The Virginity Hit’ is its supposed realness. In reality, this group of charmless nerds would have a hard time finding a cousin to take them to prom, let alone a dozen hotties at their beck and call.

At its best, ‘The Virginity Hit’ is chuckle-worthy. At it’s worst, it’s a mean-spirited, annoying YouTube queue. This one is best viewed on a bored, rainy weekend on Netflix instant watch.

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