Feature photo by edenpictures
After an initial media blackout, the Occupy Wall Street movement has gotten increasing media attention, and, expectedly, the detractors have their claws out now. For those wishing to effectively undermine the movement in quick and effortless Fox-News-esque strokes follow these five easy suggestions:
5. Treat protestors like naive children who must be protected from themselves and don’t understand deep economic complexities of markets.
You silly little brats, you’ve had your fun with your signs and chants, but why don’t you pack up the legos and just let the grownups handle the finances. Anyway, you’re so busy with your two low-wage jobs and nightly dumpster diving for dinner to really grasp the complicated economic realities of the global market and what needs to be done.
Sure, as a cashier at the GAP you’ll probably get fired or arrested if your drawer is short $20, but that’s because you’re a thief. Why has no financial executive been arrested or fired for the current economic debacle? If you have to ask, it proves you’re too feeble minded to understand the answer.
We have Ivy league degrees and shiny shoes and know the practical realities of the situation. Trust us, it’s not like we don’t have your best interests at heart or like our policies are responsible for any of this. And, fear not, it’ll start trickling down on you soon enough. (zip)
4. Call the movement and/or its participants any of the following: confused, unfocused, aimless.
It’d be cute if it wasn’t so sad. It’s like cats chasing a flashlight. Not exactly sure what you simpletons are expecting to do once you catch it.
Can you guys get it together? Maybe a sweet PowerPoint outlining specific goals and strategies? Perhaps a 5-year plan that takes a page out of the banking industry’s book of focus, except the part where you wait for government bailouts – because it’s socialism and pitiful when families get help. To quote Mitt Romney, “corporations are people.” Special people who deserve your empathy, your tax money, special exemptions, and other things to pay incompetent CEOs millions in golden parachutes – but none of your scrutiny.
3. Attempt to brand participants/supporters as extremist loons.
This movement, like any movement, can only be defined by it’s craziest participant – in this case the guy with the cannabis leaf t-shirt who’s chasing pigeons with a sharp stick and shouting lines from the Golden Girls is clearly your spokesperson. How legit can the cause be when this guy’s involved?
2. Dismiss all frustrations as coming from people who want to blame their lack of success on those who are successful. (see bootstrap cliche)
Look, we get it. It’s tough for a lot of folks right now. But you smug, entitled loons can’t blame your situation on people who are smarter and better than you. You are simply inferior. God wants it that way. Take it up with him.
1. Ignore it. Dismiss it as a fad, things of a bygone era – like parachute pants and the middle class.
Your handsome and humble servant-