Going into yesterday’s game, my biases were already working against any chance of caring who won the game. As a die hard Bears fan, I have been conditioned to hate the Green Bay Packers. First Brett Favre for an entire childhood crushing any chances of the Bears’ success, now we have to worry about good ole California boy and yesterday’s MVP, Aaron Rodgers, tearing up the division for the next 15 years or so? Damn. So Packer hater: bias number one. Bias number two stems from a dislike for most East Coast teams (other than my unexplainable love for the New York Yankees). Pittsburgh? Who gives a crap about Pittsburgh? Sure, they have a talented quarterback who’s the proud owner of two Super Bowl rings, but that same quarterback was suspended earlier this season for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman in Georgia. Charges were dropped, but the jokes and ridicule was not. You’ve got to love American values, right?

To understand the Gluttonfest the Super Bowl has become, one must understand the starting point, the roots of American football in the first place. Back at its humble beginnings, the NFL consisted of teams owned by small companies that did things like “pack” or work with “steel.” Hence, Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers. When the first Super Bowls were played, owners realized the opportunity for a lucrative payout, and these payouts have grown exponentially since the league’s inception. Fast forward to today and the million dollar spots for TV advertisements, elaborate/uninspired halftime shows and the actual game becoming somewhat of an afterthought for casual fans.

A reported 78% of Americans polled said they planned to watch the game. Whether it be to check out the commercials (is there anything more American than that? “I want to watch the commercials”), gather with friends and family or, dare I say, view the football game, 3 out of 4 Americans reported they would partake in Super Bowl related activities. I hate to break it to you, fellow Americans, but a new holiday has been invented without anyone realizing it. And you heard it here first, from The Superb Owl himself. Cheers to loathing at the Super Bowl! Consume, consume, consume. Buy, buy, buy. Bye, bye, bye…

In between Christina Aguilera’s botched national anthem (does she even know the words?) and Eminem’s breakthrough as a TV commercial star (they just can’t seem to shake each other, can they?), there was actually an extremely sloppy, boring football game played. The Steelers defense has become known for their big play ability and potential to make teams pay for turning the ball over, but they got a taste of their own medicine against sure-handed Rodgers and company. He just does not turn it over, does he? Three touchdown passes and 0 turnovers. That’s how you start a legacy, not to mention hoisting a makeshift championship belt during post-game festivities.

Ultimately, the Packers rode the coattails of the emergence of a new NFL superstar. Welcome to the spotlight, Aaron Rodgers. Just don’t go sexually assaulting anyone, and you’ll be just fine…

But if you do, don’t worry, because America always bails out the rich and famous.

This piece is dedicated to the memory of my favorite Gonzo journalist, Hunter S. Thompson. Rest in Peace, good buddy…

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