Feature photo by narciss

JT’s Porch
665 W Roosevelt Rd, Lombard | jtsporch.com | 630-932-9596
Sun-Thu: 11:00am-1:00am, Fri-Sat: 11:00am-2:00am

So there I was wasting one of my few precious vacation days at JT’s Porch in Glen Ellyn. On my second beer, second scotch, and halfway through my plate of “Famous Wings” served eight ways (and for the life of me I can’t figure out with eight different ways to cook them why couldn’t good be one of them), at least I’m out of the house. Sure it’s noon and it’s Wednesday, but hopefully it’ll be better then Tuesday.

On Tuesday, as I was waking up trying to find a good and honest reason not to write on my vacation from my square job, I decided to turn on my old friend and childhood babysitter, the television. I might be what you would call an average television attendee. I have my few loved shows and have been known to scope a documentary on the History Channel. What happened to my astonishment is this realization: During the day there’s nothing on. But that did not deter me.  So there I was surfing between channels resting on this or that episode of Law and Order, and the next thing I knew it was ten o’clock at night. I couldn’t believe I wasted an entire day and didn’t even really watch anything.

The next morning I had had it. No more was I to be a slave to my television. Sure I have many hobbies that I never get to. I have about six or eight books I’ve been meaning to read and a novel to write which never seems to fit well with my schedule. It was about 6:00 a.m. which is usually sleeping in for me. I had an entire day to spend getting back to my interests. By 10:00 a.m.  I was bored staring at the blank screen watching the lights bleep from my cable box.

I had two obvious choices: Spend the day drinking bleach wondering why anyone goes to be a guest on The Steve Wilkos Show or be civilized, act like an adult, and go get chemically inconvenienced (as Urban Dictionary refers to it).

I was impressed that they have a heat lamp on the deck where you smoke. But that’s something that I think every bar should have since smokers are now sent into exile while the rest of you damage your liver in comfort far away from the second hand smoke that is such a nuisance and dangerous to your health. Mostly for the simple reason that according to the Skin Cancer Foundation, skin cancer is the most common type of cancer. That means that while you’re looking fresh and golden getting your fair share of the big casino, I have to pay though the nose and freeze my ass off so you’re not inconvenienced by something that’s been in bars long before you were.  You suck and life’s not fair. Don’t be mad, that’s just another small nugget public school left out. I figured I’d fill in the blanks. No charge. That one’s on the house, son.

But just as I was at that point where the ice in the bottom of my overpriced scotch seemed to pull me in, that song came on the jukebox:

“Feeling alright, I’m not feeling too good myself.”

It was Joe Cocker Feelin’ Alright. I was feeling alright even if I wasn’t feeling to good myself. So what if I’m going out to smoke while you’re getting cancer by appointment. And so what if this New Year will bring absolutely nothing new to the table but a remix of the same shit. I was feeling alright, even if I wasn’t feeling too good myself.

I started to wonder where exactly during the thirty years that I’ve been a part of this world I became such a goddamn bummer. I was supposed to be having a good time on vacation instead of sulking because there was nothing good on television. I used to be fun.

Maybe I’ve just been buying into the American idea that we’re so smart and so better then the next idiot that we forget we all try to find a place where we can settle down and watch our own version of Steve Wilkos, something that holds our interest for the meantime. Or maybe we should try to get out a little more often. That’s not so bad and neither is JT’s Porch.  Sure their wings suck, but what do you really expect from bar food anyway? Hell, they serve cold beer, and that’s usually enough for me. When did I become so high and mighty that I didn’t like cold beer? Maybe it’s alright, and the rest will come, whatever it is. Until then I have to go. I’m still on vacation, and I’m missing The Young and the Restless. I’ve really been getting into that.

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