By Elvin Yavuz on November 26, 2010

Feature photo by Texas Bubba

Social network sites like Facebook and MySpace make it seem like the average American has a large group of friends. Most members have (at least) a couple hundred friends on their profiles, some even close to 1,000 if not more. But how many of them are really friends? Probably only a handful.

Even though social networking sites can make us feel like we have a lot of friends, a 2006 study published in American Sociological Review found that the average American only has two close friends. I am fortunate to have a few more. I think it’s healthy to have a different mix of friends and not all of your friends have to be your best friend. Each friend brings something special and unique to our lives. Below are five different categories of friends that I think everyone should have.

Soul mate friends
To me, a soul mate friend is the friend who knows you best. They know your core, your soul and sometimes they seem to know you better than you know yourself. I have one soul mate friend, Sarah. We met in an autobiography writing class in college where we poured our biggest secrets into short stories and shared it with one another. Even before we became friends, Sarah knew all of my secrets and my life struggles, and I knew hers. We were instantly bonded by a love for writing, laughter and our carefree approach to life.

After graduation Sarah moved to India with her then boyfriend. She was there for one year, and in the duration of that year, our only contact was e-mail where we poured our hearts out to each other. Sarah moved back to the U.S. one year later but soon took off to Europe and still lives there. The majority of our friendship has been long distance. Through the years, our friendship has deepened and survived the distance of oceans and, at times, a lack of communication. When we do see each other every summer for a week, it’s like nothing has changed. We still talk to each other like we did back when we were in college. We know everything about each other; there are no secrets and no judgments. Through our ten year friendship, we have had our ups and downs. We have told each other things that were not easy to hear and there were times where we didn’t talk to each other. However, one thing about soul mate friends is that you are in it for the long haul, you are in it for life time friendship and no matter how many falling outs you may end up having in the course of your friendship, you will always come back to each other.

Friends who have known you since childhood or college
There is something to be said for those friends who knew us before we became adults. They know our childhood and teenage struggles and triumphs which molded us to the adults we became. These are the people we grew up with. I’m so thankful for my friendships with my college friends and I’m always astonished by how much these individuals know about me. These are the people who watched me struggle to find myself, deal and resolve issues from childhood, sat with me as I cried, or jumped up and down with me because of something amazing that had happened to me. Although the things we dealt with growing up may not be pertinent to our lives today, there is something to be said for those friends who watched us grow up and are still standing with us today. It’s a gift when the friendships from early on in our lives can grow and deepen through a life time. A bonus about these friendships is you also have very incriminating and embarrassing stories and pictures of each other that will always provide hours of laughter.

Best friends
I think a lot of people, especially girls, loosely use the word “best friend”. Just because you have a friend you have an absolute blast with when you go out or share good gossip with doesn’t mean they are your best friend. It’s easy to be someone’s friends when it’s fun. But a best friend is someone who is going to be there for you during the times it’s not fun. They are going to call you or show up at your house, even if you say you don’t want to talk about it. A best friends is a person who has been there for you during some of the worst times in your life as well as the best times in your life. Usually, this can only develop over time.

I am fortunate to have a few best girl friends. These girls are my rocks in life and I would do anything for them.

The happily married couple friend
As a single girl, it is so great to see the relationship of happily married couple friends. These couples are also great at giving dating advice and offering to set you up on endless dates; even if at times it’s unwanted, but they always mean well. They just believe in love and want you to find it too.

As a single girl, it’s a bonus to get the he said/ she said side of advice when faced with a dating dilemma. I will never forget the time I accidentally told a guy I was dating for a few months that I loved him. It was an accident, I swear! We were kissing at my door step and he told me how much he loved kissing me. I wanted to tell him that I loved kissing him too, but somehow I said that I loved him…and ran away out of embarrassment. I then called my friends Emma and Lars at midnight to give them completely freaking out. I will never forget the way that Lars made me laugh about the situation and put some good perspective and logic on the table. And Lars was right, the guy didn’t run away. Phew!

The straight shooter friend who is always going to tell you the truth
Some friends just have a knack for not beating around the bush and telling it how it is. Sometimes it may hurt your feelings hearing their advice, but it’s for your own good. They have you and your well being in mind when they tell you the truth and pop your fantasy bubble.
I will never forget a shopping trip with my friend Jackie where she told me the dress I was trying on made me look like a crack whore. The sales girl was mortified to hear this and after looking at myself in the mirror, I laughed and told Jackie I totally agreed and yanked the dress off. That incident defines our friendship. We always tell each other how it is and when faced with some bad news, we cope by laughing inappropriately about it.