Feature photo by raselased
In this article, I will try to undo some of the damage that porn and pop culture has done to our understanding of the clitoris. Ya poor bastards.
Yes, it’s a pleasure center (8,000 nerve endings can’t be wrong), but the way most women’s magazines describe the clitoris is actually quite incomplete. They describe it as that small pea shaped bump at the top of the vulva either partially or completely covered by the clitoral hood. They instruct you on how to lift the hood, expose the tender button, and how much pleasure rubbing it can give. Awesome. But that’s where Cosmo usually leaves off. It forgot to tell you about the rest of the clit.
The clitoris is made up of three parts. The head, the shaft, and the legs. The head is the most visible part of the clitoris, that little diamond we’re told to seek out, so it’s often mistaken for its entirety. The shaft follows, that cable of nerves that can be felt through the skin directly above the head and hood (so far it seems like a little uncircumcised penis, no?). Follow the shaft and you might be able to feel the legs extending in opposite directions. The legs are buried deeper under our muscle tissue and are harder to find when touched, but they still enjoy the touch. Altogether the clit is actually shaped like a wishbone. Ta-da!
Essentially, it’s not all about the clitoris. The clitoris is part of an entire system of erectile tissue vital to getting the ladies going. I would feel like a giant jerk if I didn’t at least mention the rest of our pleasurable parts. The shaft of the clitoris attaches to the vestibular bulbs, which are mounds of erectile tissue under the labia— our inner and outer lips. This is what makes our vaginal lips so plump and kissable when we’re aroused. The vestibular bulbs hug the vaginal opening and our clitoral legs hug the vestibular bulbs. Two other sponge-y love masses that hug the vagina (in this case, the vaginal canal) include our urethral and perineal sponges. The urethral sponge can be felt upwards inside the vagina and is what we commonly know as the g-spot. The perineal sponge is to be found downwards. Group hug!
Now that we know the parts, we can tackle how to use them. First what NOT to do.
Porn would have you believe that women are instantly activated by clit action. That it is all women needs— and you need to be a mothafucking clit commander. Nope. Take it down a notch, buddy. Those women are paid to act. So while they’re writhing and moaning in what you think is pleasure, they’re probably actually in pain. And, as a result, many of us are in pain too so don’t think you know what to do because you’ve seen it furiously done in a Bang Bros. production. The best bet is to pay attention to her body.
As a general rule:
Don’t surprise attack the clit (on second thought, don’t attack it at all actually). Don’t focus on it as the only source of pleasure. Don’t start rubbing it with lots of pressure. Don’t go near it if you have long fingernails. Don’t rub it raw. And don’t be one of those assholes that complains about wanting her to come faster. Nothing shoots down a girly boner quicker than being unappreciated.
Spend some time on the outside. Focus on the labia, feel the softness of the skin. Give her some goddamn compliments. Be sensual. Let her know you’re enjoying the process of arousing her (if you want to be a good lover, you must accept that there’s foreplay to the foreplay). Make sure she’s relaxed. When her body’s wetness tells you it’s time to part the lips, do start off gently. Do try teasing, soft touches on the inner labia with fingers or tongue. Do try rubbing lube on the head of the clit. Do try increasing the pressure of your caresses as the arousal increases. Do try rolling the shaft of the clit, by pressing it through the hood in varying motions. Do ask her if she wants you to touch her clit directly. Do consider yourself lucky she let you in her bed.