Dr. Scrivener is a career coach, life strategist, educator, motivational speaker, certified personal trainer, advocate for recovering addicts, alternative healer, crisis manager for at-risk youth, interior designer, sexpert, environmentalist, award-inning childrens’ book author, minister, transgendered straight-identifying queer rights activist, wig-maker for cancer survivors, marathon-runner, clairvoyant, three-time competitive chicken nugget eating contest champion, singer/song writer who holds a PhD in Keeping It Real. Do you have issues weighing you down? Are you in need of help? Did you know 99.9999% of America does not care about your problems? Well, Dr. Scrivener does! He is here to to give you real advice to the real-world problems that are really bothering you. For real. No question is too personal or beyond the realm of his expertise. Submit your question today for a chance to be featured in next week’s column.
Dear Dr. Scrivener,
Recently I have found myself really bored with my friends. I don’t feel like hanging out with them really. We go to the same old bars and do the same old stuff all the time. I have to feel obligated to go to functions many of them invite me to and I rarely find myself calling them to do anything. They seem lame and tell the same boring stories over and over, or they have nothing interesting to say. I have known many of them for years–I went to high school with many of them over 10 years ago. Back then, all I wanted to do was hang out with my buds. Now, blah. What is wrong with me?
What you describe is not uncommon. In fact, it’s a part of life. As most ordinary people age, they tend to get boring and tired. You are tired and they very well may be boring. The things that people did for enjoyment in their younger years are no longer as exciting after a certain point, including parties and drinking–mainly because they are no longer novel. It is a fact that as you age, you will be more likely to remember experiences that occurred in your teenage years and early twenties than those that happen in your middle age and after. This is in part due to the fact that many things that happen when you are young are happening for the first time: first kiss, first love, first time breaking curfew, first joy ride in a stolen car, first time getting arrested…you get the idea. There are a few possible solutions to your problem: 1) you can actively seek new friends, which will ensure you hear new stories (at least for a short while); 2) you can try to do novel things with your existing friends (take trips together, join an underground sex club, try new drugs); or 3) you can shut-up, smile and nod the next time you hang with them–it feels good to be nice and pretend to care sometimes. Good luck!
Dear Dr. Scrivener,
I make myself sick at work. I am good (very good) at what I do, but I just don’t know how I got to this point. I recently overheard my boss tell someone that I would eat my young, and she meant this to be a good thing. Who is this bossy, smart-assed, ball-busting, take-no-prisoners bitch I have become, and what did she do with the young, naive, kinder version of me?
The Asshole in Charge
It is a reality that, in our society, we must all juggle many- sometimes conflicting- roles. Friend. Worker. Consumer. Parent. Child. Lover. Hater. Ingrate. Balancing them all can be trying. But, for the sake of being a normal functioning adult, it is essential to fulfill our obligations on those fronts. Sometimes the best way about this is to consolidate roles- or completely do away with some. The bossy ball-buster in your mirror today had the foresight to do just that and most likely killed that younger, kinder, naive you. Or maybe the ball-buster tricked the young kind you into believing she knew what was best for the team. In either case, the young kind you is gone now and never coming back. But I think you shouldn’t worry about this too much. In fact, I know the bossy, ball-busting, smart ass has it all under control. You must let her voice guide you. She is probably saying: “Hey, I got this. Everything is going to be okay. So, get on board or go home.” I think you should get on board. It’s what the young, gentler you would have wanted.
Dear Dr. Scrivener,
I am 29 and I have been living in my new home for a year now. Everything is great but my neighbor is a total pain in the arse. She is in her 70s and is your typical, cranky, nosey old lady neighbor type. She has a scowl on her face always and is constantly accusing me or some imaginary perp of doing something to her or her yard. I saw the wind knock over a flag on her porch and she claimed I did it on purpose. When leaves fall in the autumn, she pushes those that fall on her property over to my property. She’s driving me nuts! I’d love to cuss her out but I feel bad yelling at an old lady. What is the best way to deal with this?
Living next to a difficult neighbor can be stressful. Recent studies by the American Heart Association indicate that when seemingly minor stresses (like negativity from neighbors or co-workers) are present in your life and left unchecked, the stress can build up and adversely affect heart health. If you suppress your natural, angry reactions, they have nowhere to go but deeper inside. One day they will all blow up and it will not be pretty. While you may not want to hurt an old woman’s feelings, giving her a piece of your mind is the best thing you can do for your peace of mind- and heart health. I suggest you throw every swear you can think of at her the next time she says anything to you, even if she’s not accusing you of something. If you can successfully scare and intimidate her, she will never bother you again. I also suggest you hold a rake or shovel in your hand when you do confront her next so as to really set the scene. Sure she may get upset and scared, but she’s lived several more decades than you so she may be “checking out” soon. Try not to shorten your own stay on this earth if you can help it.
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